Dear Thyroid

Dear Thyroid,

For such a small gland you sure do a lot of things. So many things that I didn't think about for the first 27 odd years of my life, especially the last 32 years of my life.

You started to change when I got pregnant with my baby girl Kira.  I didn't realize it at the time  I thought my body was just going through everything it should during and after pregnancy. Not the case.  I got pregnant so quickly after Kira was born. I again thought that my body just didn't have get back to normal in those short six months between having Kira and getting pregnant with Josh.

Its Post-Partum Depression said my mid-wife. Wait how can I have depression?  I have never had depression. Sad moments prolonged sadness a little but depression no.  My mom didn't have it after her babies, neither did my sisters how could I?   Oh wait that was you thyroid rearing your ugly little head in my life again.  Besides the depression there are so many things I didn't know you influenced.

 I didn't know that you made it so my muscles didn't ache, every muscle my arms my legs, my fingers my shoulders even the muscles in my bum (yes apparently we do have some muscle there). I didn't know that you kept my skin from being dry I didn't know that you made it so my hips didn't ache.  I didn't know that you helped it so my stomach didn't feel bloated all the time.  Sadly I didn't know that although I have always had terrible allergies you kept them somewhat in check.

I didn't know that you helped me think clearly and have the ability to focus. I didn't know that you helped me be happy and not have mood swings (besides the normal ones of just being a woman). I didn't know that you helped with my daily motivation to get things done.

I was told by a specialist last year that it would be best if we just got rid of you all together.  I was told you were easy to control on meds.   This rang true for maybe a few months then everything started to go down hill again.

My endocrinologist would only look at the numbers and not listen to anything I would say about how I was feeling.  Maybe you're depressed the doc would say to me. No ma'am I am not depressed.  I have experienced depression this is not it. I promise you this is not it.  But your TSH level is normal. I don't care I am not myself.

After much prayer and fasting about you, a body part that I never ever thought about before I through many different encounters found a naturopathologist.   He listened to me about you. He told me that the TSH level that so many endocrinologists claim to be the save all test for Thyroid function doesn't even come close to tell you all you need to know about how your thyroid is functioning.
He put me on a new medicine for you. The dosage initially wasn't enough but guess what this doctor actually listened to me about you and upped the dosage.

 Unfortunately I found out through recent blood work that no medicine will ever work for me forever like most people with thyroid issues. I am special. My antibodies are attacking you,  my non functioning thyroid and so my meds will only work for maybe 6 months to a year before they become ineffective.   Due to a mishap between my doctor and my pharmacist I was w/o my meds for three days. I have not felt good since even though I have  been on them again for four days I am laying at home feeling everything I listed above.  I have aches in places I didn't know existed. I have no energy, my tummy is so freaking bloated most pants are uncomfortable.  I hope so you will again respond to the meds.

Oh thyroid this incident has me scared. It has made me face the reality of my situation.  I am totally dependent on medicine the rest of my life because of you. I have to find the right doctor if we ever move that will be willing to work with me my symptoms not my blood test results  in order for me to feel somewhat like me.  What if I can't find another doctor like that if we ever move?  I am frightened dear thyroid.  I don't like this feeling of not being in control of my health and wellbeing.

Sincerely,
Diana